“What I see that I think is perhaps more appropriate.”
“So you see, then you think.”
“That is why I don’t think anymore.”
“So you just see and don’t think.”
“I would rather do that.”
“Why?”
“Because I no longer trust what I think to reflect what I see.”
“So you don’t trust your thinking.”
“Somewhat, but more what I see.”
“I don’t quite get it.”
“I am trying too.”
“Do you think there is something wrong with your perception?
“No, I don’t. My vision is fine.”
“No, I meant your eyes.”
“I know, that’s why I said my vision.”
“In other words, you don’t trust your eyes.”
“No, I don’t trust my thinking.”
“I know, but you also don’t trust what you see.”
“Yes, more in fact than what I think.”
“That’s what I still don’t get.”
“It’s just the way things are.”
“What do you mean?”
“That we may not know what to trust rattles, doesn’t it?”
“It sure does now.”
“Why is that so now?”
“Frankly, I always take that for granted”
“That, you can’t always know what to trust.”
“Yes.”
“So do I.”
“So, what’s different now?”
“I don’t know, you said it.”
“What?”
“You are fazed now.”
“Okay, yes, because you are vague.”
“And it’s starting to show.”
What is starting to show?”
“Never mind, still searching”
“What are you talking about?”
“Take a deep breath, now, will you? Stop and take a deep breath.”
“What’s up with you?”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”
“I’m sorry I can’t help you this time.”
“I know, I can’t help you either.”
“Look, I don’t need any help. It’s you who does.”
“Look at you.”
“What?”
“You are breaking out.”
“What do you mean I’m breaking out?”
“You are sweating, your voice is breaking.”
“Thanks, to you.”
“Okay, now. Take a deep breath again. Feel your presence.”
“I feel better now.”
“Great.”
“I am still curious to know what you are trying to say.”
“About trusting my brain?”
“Yes, your brain. I think that’s where the problem is.”
“Oh, you think?”
“Yes, I think.”
“And you trust what you think?”
“Yes, and that’s why I know I can’t trust all the time.”
“So, your brain tells you what to trust and what not to trust.”
“Yes. How else do I know these things?”
“How does you brain know these things?
“I guess how I feel about what I see.”
“So, your brain trusts how you feel about what you see.”
“I think so.”
“You think you are thinking again.”
“I think, yes.”
“But did you feel just now before thinking?”
“I don’t know.”
“No, you wouldn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because, you feel faster than you think so….”
“So, I act faster than I think.”
“And is the brain to blame, I don’t think so, at least not all of it.”
“Hey, wait a second, it’s all my brain.”
“A second is too long.”
“C’mon now, let’s be serious.”
“I am serious. How could you trust what you see when you don’t even have the time to think about it, when you act without thinking about what you see, and when you think you are thinking about what you feel, when in fact you are acting just based on what you see?”
“Is that why she left?”
“I am not saying that, but I think you should look at all the angles.”
“She says so, too. She says I act based on misperception of her and events.”
“We all do, don’t we? But may be we can change that, may be we just need to understand that we cannot trust what we see to be the basis of what we think.”
“Of course also how we act.”
“Yes.”
“Listen, I am still having some problem grasping all this. I think I did my best to save the situation.”
“No doubt and she is not perfect either.”
“No one is.”
“That’s precisely what I think should be the starting point.”
“Now, you are thinking too.”
“Not that I trust it though, and yes, I am just giving it up, so it still intrudes.”
“Are you serious that you don’t want to think anymore?
“Yes, until I am able to figure out how to trust what I think.”
“But you have just told me how.”
“That you should stop and feel your presence.”
“Yes, and take a deep breath.”
“You are right, that’s one way.”
“I am sure there are others.”
“Of course, there are. There must be.”
“This is sounding really serious.”
“Listen. Julie just left you. I am about to lose Anne.”
“It is really serious.”
“Don’t tell me it’s just us.”
“In a sense it is, as you have been saying.”
“You are right. I am just having difficulty blaming it all on us.”
“Let’s be clear. It’s not just us, they have their faults too.”
“Actually, I didn’t mean us as in just you and I.”
“Okay, as in all of us.”
“Yes. It’s just not seen by us how we have little control over a lot of what we do.”
“Hmmm”
“Okay, you are able to catch up with what you feel and act accordingly. What about what you see not even given a chance to catch up because what you feel is unrelated to what you see.”
“Is that why losing Julie hurts so badly?”
“Yes, because you did not fall in love with what you saw.”
“That’s true, or else would have shunned what I thought.”
“Yes, what you feel.”
“That may explain a lot of things about Julie and I.”
“Such as the reasons she stayed with you so long?”
“Yes. You know I have not always been this way.”
“Yes and explains my concern about what is going on.”
“Shouldn’t she have stayed then?”
”Perhaps, but I don’t blame her after all we don’t know too.”
“Know what?”
“The other one, not that love is blind as they say.”
“Oh!”
“The other one about trusting the brain to catch up with what we feel.”
“That’s right, since we act before it does.”
“Yes.”
“But isn’t it still the brain to blame?”
“In a way, yes it is the brain but we should train the brain not to receive the blame.”
“That’s for sure.”
“I’m not so sure now though, with you.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“There is so much you can train the brain.”
“Is that why you don’t blame Julie for leaving?”
“Yes. How could she have known?”
“Known what?”
“How could she have known that there may be a tumor growing in your brain?”
“You are kidding.”
“It’s possibly why you have been so explosive lately.”
“Hmmm”
“And that would further complicate trust.”
“Yes, it would complicate how we feel what we see.”
